Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
