You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
