My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
