M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize