My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
