You're so nebulous sometimes
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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