Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
