we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I supernannyed him into submission
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
