I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
