For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize