then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I didn't shave. On purpose
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
