why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
