Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
