u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Buhtt sex?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
