the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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