I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
