last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
