You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
