he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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