I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
