Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
