p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
