ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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