all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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