could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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