Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
birth control should be required to get into college
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
