i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize