A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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