You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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