then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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