I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
