Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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