we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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