her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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