Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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