No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
