I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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