New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
