i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
