Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
