so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
