Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
