if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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