I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
