We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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