I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
