Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
