I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
