Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
