Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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