her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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