the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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