that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
two words...techno handjob
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
