Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
