Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
