Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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