Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
