whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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