Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
