Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
