I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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