i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
