...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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