So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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