End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
