saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize