there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
