If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
