Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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