Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
