we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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