5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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