Plan B is the new Plan A
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
